I had hoped to write two posts about the Olympics, but my multi-state move kept me busier than I expected. Here are a few things to think about as we frame our Yom Kippur lessons, with apologies for not releasing it earlier.
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Yom Kippur gets kids down. If its focus is too negative, they have trouble connecting. No food. No favored shoes. No fun. And we're all supposed to feel that we're bad.
But what about a paradigm shift? What if we all focused on growth?
Lesson #1: Everyone Can Grow
When I apply the ideas of Yom Kippur to personal spiritual growth, I tell students that all people can become better (kinder, more compassionate, more careful or more devout) simply by believing that they can.
I was sitting at the Shabbat table last week with an endocrinologist who was asked, as he is often asked, "What is the best diet for weight loss?" He says that the best diet is the one you can stick to. Similarly, for personal growth, the best goals we can set for ourselves are ones that push us a little, but that we know we can meet. This is true in many spheres, such as difficulty level of math problem sets (if they are too easy, there is minimal learning, but too hard and the student may just sit there looking at it.) This is a quintessentially Rosh Hashana / Yom Kippur idea, as we have all been told that Hashem tested Avraham with the Akeda because He know Avraham could pass the test.
As the Research for Better Teaching philosophy advises, teachers need to explicitly tell their students "I believe in you; you can do this and I'm here to help." Combining our faith in them with our willingness to help (if they lead the way!), we can help our students achieve academic, personal and spiritual success.
(As a bonus, try this article about clear goals. It features an Olympian and though it is business- oriented, it focuses on 21st century learning skills such as collaboration.)
Lesson #2: Sometimes we need to make a change
I'm a huge fan of Kerri Walsh Jennings, who is most famous for being half of 'the greatest women's beach volleyball team of all time' as many have termed her partnership with Misty May Trainor. They won three Olympic golds together, but the start of Jennings' career was in indoor volleyball. Her switch to beach volleyball is what sparked her extended run of glory.
After London 2012, Trainor decided to retire, leaving Jennings with a decision. Would she find a new partner or retire, too? She ended up teaming up with April Ross, her former rival (whom she defeated in 2012 to win the gold.) Ross and Jennings didn't have it easy, sometimes playing teams of players half their age. When they fell in the semi-final and had to battle for bronze, Jennings - who had never before lost an Olympic match - responded with her characteristic optimism and grace. A prolific tweeter and Facebook poster, she posted and retweeted only statements that expressed how lucky she was to be able to compete and that thanked her support network for their help.
Change is tough. We uprooted our family from Massachusetts and planted ourselves in Maryland this August. (I watched the Olympics while unpacking.) For a time, whenever my 5-year-old was upset at being asked to clear her spot at the table, she would say she wished she was back in Brookline. Of course, Brookline had nothing to do with it. She just didn't want to clear her plate.
Yom Kippur asks us to think, can we really do this? Can I make this change? Can I really commit to being more careful about X or more scrupulous about Y? It's one thing to say we'll be more compassionate; it's quite another to go out of your way to do a favor for someone who needs it when it is inconvenient for you to do so.
It's a tall order to change when the situation requires it and an even taller one to be positive in the face of adversity. Olympians, like celebrities, have every tweet scrutinized so they have to be careful about their words. We can learn from them to be thoughtful and deliberate, even when we are frustrated or challenged by the changes we needed to make to become better people.
Lesson #3: On Yom Kippur, no others need lose so that we may win
In sports, you can be really, really successful and still not get the glory. In artistic gymnastics, there is a limit of 2 gymnasts per country in any event. Because of the rules, the fourth best gymnast in qualifying can be left out of the all-around competition. This happened to Jordyn Wieber in 2012 (and Gabby Douglas in 2016).
Aly Raisman went to London in 2012 somewhat in the shadow of the phenoms of the team, Gabby Douglas and Jordyn Wieber. She distinguished herself in qualifying and edged out Jordyn Wieber, qualifying in second place ahead of her teammate Gabby Douglas (who qualified third). In the final, though, Gabby Douglas captured the gold (with a margin of less than .3 points) and Aly Raisman tied for third place with Russian Aliya Mustafina. Immediately, as the rules dictate, the lowest score for each gymnast was dropped and the tie was broken, leaving Raisman in 4th place. The NBC cameras caught her looking at the scoreboard in confusion saying, "Wait, why am I in fourth?" Though Raisman went home with the team gold in 2012, the floor gold (the first for an American woman, performed to the tune of Hava Nagila and dedicated to the memory of the Israeli athletes murdered in Munich in 1972) and the beam bronze (this time winning on a tie-breaker), losing the all-around bronze was a setback. Raisman could certainly have felt that she did not reach the pinnacle of achievement because of a rules issue and become determined to return in 2016.
Similarly, Raisman did an excellent floor routine in Rio in the individual event competition but left with a silver because Simone Biles' routine was more difficult. While Raisman is successful by any measure, she didn't reach the pinnacle of achievement simply because someone else did.
In life, we have situations where only so many people can be named editor of the yearbook, or get into a specific college, or get a particular promotion. Our students need to be aware that sometimes our lack of success is not as much about us as it is about someone else.
Spiritual success is very different. There is no competition and no limit to the number of winners. We all can be successful in the eyes of God, with no complicated tie-breakers. The advice often given to individual athletes suits here: they are often told to focus, not to think about the competition or the people around them, and just concentrate on doing what they have practiced as best as they can. That's how we should behave - focus on being the best person we can be and not worry about the distractions.
Lesson #4: It's never too late to change for the better
There are many, many examples of athletes who might be perceived as too old to compete who have achieved incredible results. Certainly gymnast Oksana Chusovitina's career that spans 7 Olympic Games is a remarkable example. Athletes like Kerri Walsh Jennings, competing in beach volleyball in her 30s with three kids, and Aly Raisman qualifying to compete in 2016 (despite being a matronly 22), show us that people who are truly determined can sometimes do things not expected of their age. (In contrast, in 2012, Shawn Johnson, Alicia Sacramone and Nastia Liukin could not make it back onto the US Olympic team despite their team and individual successes in 2008.)
The lesson for us is that we should not use, "I have never ____" as an excuse to avoid doing something we know we should do. We can change if we want to. It's not too late.
Individual glory is not a particularly Jewish concept. Though everyone likes a medal, an award or a plaque with our name on it, the Torah makes pretty clear that glory is for God. We might think this is antithetical to the Olympic way, but most athletes labor intensively for 4 years for one chance to win. Many get very little attention even if they are successful (unless they are in a particular, popular sport.)
Justin Gatlin, the 2004 gold medalist in the 100m dash, has lost to Usain Bolt now three times - in 2008, 2012 and 2016. "We work 365 days a year to be here for nine seconds," the Telegraph reported him saying after coming in second in Rio.
Very few people get honored by others for their good works and good choices. We can't decide to become better people this time of year and expect throngs of cheering crowds as a result. We do good for its own sake, (and to glorify God and better his world.) We can't crave plaques and medal ceremonies. Olympians are people who will get up at 5am to work every day, day in and day out. Their chances of glory and wealth are far from assured. We can train ourselves to have their resolve: to work day in and day out on being better human beings for the long years when the cameras are turned off. It is that work ethic and determination that will enable us to reach the highest heights achievable in the service of God.
G'mar Chatimah Tova!
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Don't worry, the next post will have more math!
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Don't worry, the next post will have more math!
